People say hilarious things all the time. Luckily, I write them down.
ANGELA: would rich people buy a graco stroller, though?
JOEL: i think they actually got the stroller as a hand me down (and they had another one, so maybe it was super fancy).
ANGELA: aha! a hand-me-down.
JOEL: i think so (not sure if theirs had hyphens though).
ANGELA: What is the big hole [that they're drilling in the wall] for?
PIPER: It’s for a T1 line.
BRUCE: Yes. So we can watch Terminator.
ANGELA: Oooh, Terminator 2? I love that one.
BRUCE: No, that would be a T2 line. Idiot.
ANGELA: What is this? What are we doing? What do you call this?
JOEL: Marriage?
ANGELA: But where do you see this going?
JOEL: Marriage?
NIKKI (re: her Spanish language comprehension): I know, basically, intransitive verbs. “To work.” “To be pregnant.” “Hey: no fumar.” That’s it.
Euchre. Grandma decides to stand up to deal because Gpa kept giving her shit about flashing the cards to everyone. I jump up to steady her, holding her from behind. I silently congratulate myself for being such a good granddaughter.
GRANDMA: I’m leaning back — lean me forward! Little shitpot.
ANGELA: What can I do to make you like me more?
JOEL: Uh.. I can’t possibly like you more!
ANGELA: Joel. How do I make sure I don’t lose you?
JOEL: Um… Don’t forget where you put me?
JOEL: happy birthday!!
MARTIN: Thanks, man! How’s the finger? Restored to health?
JOEL: well, i hope it’s been good!
the finger has a little crease and a little numb spot near the nail, but i’ve been told it’ll all heal eventually.
MARTIN: That’s character-building. And it makes you more collectible. The Japanese refer to this quality as “sabi.”
JOEL: good to know!
ANGELA: If you had to choose between [that refurbished Mac with 8-core blah de blah] and a baby, which would you choose?
JOEL: (much anguished deliberation)
ANGELA: I am no longer supportive of your computer purchase!
JOEL: I am no longer supportive of your hypothetical questions! It used to be all fun and games, like, ‘Two penises or a vagina?’ Now it’s like, ‘Would you say I’m fatter or uglier?’ ‘Would you rather sleep with someone else or shoot me?’
My dad, thinking about what he might say re: the shitty treatment received from the People to People Ambassadors Program:
DAD: You and me need to talk. People… to people.
ANGELA: This [The Food Network] is making me too hungry.
JOEL: You should switch to the murdered people channel. Or the horribly ill people channel.
DAD: I bought Grandpa a Members Only jacket. He’s like the last member.
Hilarious! I love this blog!